you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
where are my eyebrows?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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