Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
