Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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