So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
