My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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