just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
