Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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