If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
