i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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