Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
