I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
