I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
