I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize