He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize