there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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