why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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