he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
