i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
