I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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