his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
