When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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