Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
