I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
