if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
