I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
