I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
