The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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