Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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