She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
