Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
