For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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