i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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