yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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