i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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