Im at strip club and am horny
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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