i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
