I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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