she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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