I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
