when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
