ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
