is your mom at the bar?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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