Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
