They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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