I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
