When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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