Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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