Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
