I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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