Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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