So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
