y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
