GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
