You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
