i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
