At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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