I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
