meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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