i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
