So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
