if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
