He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
