It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They took my balls.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
