First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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