Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
