i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
