i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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