i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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