he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
