Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
