You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
